Why you don’t need perfect behaviour for meaningful family photos | Yorkshire

As a Yorkshire family portrait photographer who has photographed all kinds of families, children and pets, I know that 86%* of families worry that their children are the most energetic/reluctant/shy/obstinate to ever have been photographed.

*This is a completely made-up statistic, but it is a lot of families.

What I’ve learned is this: children don’t need to be calm, compliant or “good” to make meaningful photographs. I’ve spent years working with all kinds of children and families – and very few of them behaved “perfectly”.

1. Whatever you do, don’t ask them to smile

When you read that heading, did you think ‘but smiles look great in photos don’t they? Why would I want them to look miserable?’

Of course, smiles are lovely to have in photos, and I absolutely ensure that I capture plenty of happy faces in every session. What looks pretty awful though, are smiles that have been requested. It results in these slightly odd, plasticky grins that just don’t sit right and certainly don’t look like that person when they are genuinely happy. So, what I work to achieve are natural smiles. And the best way to get a natural smile? Well, make someone feel happy (‘duh’ as my girls would say).

When people are relaxed in a family photography session (yes, that really does happen), what I ask you to do naturally leads to smiling, laughing. Maybe I’ll ask the children which parent snores the loudest, ask them to look at each other and absolutely not laugh, or with young children ask parents to sing a silly song or do an animal impression. Something that you feel comfortable doing, and makes you feel truly happy. And that’s when I click. I’ve spent years learning how to press the shutter at the perfect moment to capture joy.

Of course, I can’t let this slide past without saying that so many other emotions and expressions are more than worth capturing too. I think that family photography is about catching hold of a point in time and holding it still. Something you can look back on it in years to come and reminisce about what you were like and how much you loved each other. And so, the opportunity to catch thoughtful, loving, or peaceful expressions is something I won’t let pass by.

2. Right places, happier children

It is key that your children feel comfortable. When children feel at ease – their bodies soften, expressions follow, and the photographs begin to feel like them.

Some of the best places to photograph are out in the wild. Whether that be a windswept moor above Ilkley, the wide-open spaces of the Yorkshire Dales or the beautifully planted Hepworth Garden in Wakefield. These locations are interesting places for children to play – less boredom = ‘better’ behaviour. The natural environment helps us feel content and that always shows through in the images that I create.

Some families prefer to be photographed at home, and this works perfectly too. It’s comforting for some to be in a familiar space with everything at hand. It often works especially well for families with children under one – those that aren’t yet walking and who may well need access to a bag or two of nappies/milk/clothes changes to keep them going. My girls are older now, but I still feel like I constantly lug around bags filled with drinks, part-eaten snacks, plasters, tissues, discarded squishy balls, one half of a pair of clip-on earrings . . . . I get it. Sometimes it’s easier to stay at home. And if you do decide to venture outside, know that my pack-horse skills are strong and you won’t have to carry a thing. So freeing.

3. Pauses are part of the process

Everyone needs pauses – children especially.

My family sessions are built to give everyone a natural pause while I’m photographing other family members. That time is great to give children some space, so they come back refreshed. If a longer break is needed, don’t worry, nothing can top the legendary extended sulking of my sister-in-law that lives on in family folklore. And many children before yours have needed a longer break – nothing can surprise or upset me.

4. Time to warm up

Plenty of children take time to warm up to new people and new experiences. Actually, I’m pretty sure this applies to most adults too.

I often suggest showing children a photo of me and the location beforehand. It helps a little. What helps most is time. Without pressure. The first part of a photo session often begins with getting to know each other without the added pressure of a camera. We might chat about things, play alongside each other, or just let them watch the adults talk until they feel more at ease.

I’ll usually begin by photographing those that feel more confident, or at least less uncomfortable. It always helps those that are more reticent to see what it is going to be like, and more often than not, children who seemed reluctant at first will wander over on their own to see what’s going on and get involved in playing. Who wouldn’t want to swish through grasses, collect pebbles or balance along logs?

5.  But don’t my children need to sit still?

No. No no no. And no.

I don’t know who made everyone think that children need to sit still for photos, but they’re wrong. Maybe it was the 90s school photographer with their ‘Sit on the stool, turn sideways, look back at me over your shoulder, now tilt your head . . . and SMILE’ patter. Oh, my goodness that was so uncomfortable. It’s so hard to look good in stiff poses.

By this point you probably get that I want you to move. I want children to run, play, cuddle, scramble and paddle. Movement is the magic. It’s what ensures you look relaxed and comfortable. And it is real. My aim is always to capture you honestly, and movement, whether the small action of playing with someone’s hair or a big swing up into the air, is perfect for that.

6. Real connection comes through play

There are so many ways to play – I remember Michael Rosen, the incredible former children’s laureate, whose poetry filled our house with joy, describing how anything can be approached in a playful way. You can listen to that episode of Woman’s Hour here.

Play gives children purpose. It gives hands something to do, bodies somewhere to go, and minds a place to settle. Favourite play-based activities for family sessions like stacking small pieces of wood or pebbles, climbing fallen trees, sneaking up on unsuspecting parents, whispering in ears . . . I could go on. I promise I have an activity to suit every child, every family. And they all make for natural family photos as they bring focus, interaction and movement. It won’t feel awkward – and you’ll walk away having enjoyed yourself and with a collection of images that capture your family at your best.

If you’re worried your children won’t behave, you’re not alone – and you don’t need them to. The kind of family photography session that I offer is designed to work around real-life children and their families. Ones that want to move, that might be shy, or energetic, need time to get to know me, or need a break. If that sounds like the kind of family photography for you, you can see more of my work here.